


Prompt: Loss and Constance

by CaptainDog



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Ficlet, M/M, Short, Trans Luke Skywalker, Tumblr Prompt, fuck rian johnson, mostly tfa compliant, not TLJ compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-14 05:03:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17502110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainDog/pseuds/CaptainDog
Summary: prompted on tumblr by the wonderful @daredevilmutual."just before our love got lost you said i am as constant as the northern star"





	Prompt: Loss and Constance

**Author's Note:**

> this got real sad. exploring some of the emotions going on around the time of kylo ren's betrayal of his family and his terrorist attack on the new jedi academy. bc rian johnson can eat my entire ass
> 
> luke is trans fight me (don't actually)
> 
> as always, you can prompt me on tumblr @captaindog. i'm trying to focus on original writing right now, but i'm always happy to do fic, especially skysolo fic, to stretch my writing muscles.

They’ve been in love long enough that Han knows better than to still think of Luke as perfect. It doesn’t make him love him less, but they’re not without their problems. 

He can tell from the set of Luke’s shoulders that he won’t talk. Not that Han is any good at that kind of conversation anyway. It’s probably not the best combination; a man who bottles up his feelings out of some monk-like duty, and another who can’t manage to coax those feelings out for lack of vocabulary. He pretends to still be asleep on the couch, closing his eyes again as Luke pulls off his cloak and comes further into the apartment. He can practically feel the energy of a kind of sadness radiating off of his lover.

Han knows why. Most of the New Republic is celebrating today. Hell, Han had had a few drinks with his pilot buddies earlier in the evening. He’d wanted to share it all with Luke, but knew better than to ask him to join. The anniversary of the Battle of Endor is a day of solemn remembrance for Luke. It’s gotten more and more grave in the past few years. And the past week has been especially bad. Something is going on with Ben, but Han doesn’t know enough about all this Jedi stuff to figure it out. All he knows is that his son is more sullen and withdrawn than usual, and Luke is troubled by it. 

A cold hand touches Han’s cheek, startling him. He opens his eyes to find Luke above him, reaching out with an un-gloved right hand. 

“I knew you weren’t asleep.” 

“Just barely.” Han shifts on the couch, making room for Luke. His partner crawls on top of him, gently laying his weight down on Han. Han wraps an arm around his back and breathes in deep. Luke always smells like spices - when he cooks, it’s in the Tatooinian tradition of seasoning the living hell out of everything - and the floral scent of his natural soaps. Now, he also smells of clean sweat; they must’ve been going over saber forms in lessons today. 

“I thought you’d be out at one of the parties.” 

Han shrugs a shoulder. “I was, earlier. But I wanted to be home for you.” 

Luke kisses his neck. It’s not really sexual, just familiar. “Thank you.” 

Han wants to ask him what’s wrong. What’s going on with Ben. Hell, what he’d had for lunch today. But the right words aren’t coming. Maybe after he’s mulled it over for a bit longer. 

Luke takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. He closes his eyes. Han can feel his exhaustion. He rubs Luke’s back. 

“You’re like the suns,” Luke murmurs sleepily. 

“Hm?”

“Just…constant. I know I can always count on you.”

“‘Course you can, kid.” 

Luke must really be tired, because he doesn’t complain at being called ‘kid.’ 

* * *

Waking up to a cold, otherwise empty bed isn’t that unusual. In the past, it’s because Luke woke at dawn to train or prepare for the day’s class. In the last week, it’s been because he hasn’t been sleeping. Han hasn’t gotten the greatest sleep of his life, either. How can anybody sleep when their son and his friends are missing and wanted for murder?

He knows Luke’s taking it hard. He wants to tell him that it isn’t his fault. A part of Han blames him a little, but he refuses to let that part take hold. He knows that Luke couldn’t have influenced Ben to do what he did. He doesn’t know what had poisoned his son’s mind, but it wasn’t Luke. 

He pushes himself out of bed and trudges to the kitchen to make caf. It’s a comfort to find it already made and still warm. He silently thanks Luke and pours a cup. He walks to the window to look out at their yard. The gravel patch where Luke keeps his old X-wing is empty. Han frowns. Luke doesn’t take it out much any more. Usually, if he’s going off-planet, he just takes the Falcon with Han. 

He turns, trying to think of what to do, and sees a blinking light on the kitchen table. It’s a portable holo projector. There’s a message waiting. Heart beating fast, Han walks to it and hits the play button. 

Even sculpted in blue light, Luke looks older than his forty-something years. He’s dressed for travel. His expression is graver than Han’s ever seen it. 

“Han. I’m sorry.” 

“What are you sorry for, kid?” Han snaps.

“I have to leave. I have to…” Luke closes his eyes and turns his head away. Shame and grief are etched into his features. “I can’t stay. I need to know why Ben-” his voice breaks on their son’s name. “Why I failed.” He looks back up as if to meet Han’s eyes. “Don’t look for me. I know you’ll try, but I’m going somewhere you won’t be able to find me. I love you. I’m sorry.” 

The mug of caf crashes to the floor, but Han doesn’t notice. 

“We’ll see about that,” Han says. He’s already making calculations in his head. The Falcon will be off the ground in less than an hour. He’s sure he can convince Chewie to join him. As for Rey…well, he’s sure Leia can watch her for a little while.


End file.
